The Official CASB Webpage

Hi. This blog post is all about CASB employees, REAL CASB EMPLOYEES. This blog is awesome. My name is Chris and I can't stop thinking about CASB employees. These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet.

Facts:
1. CASB employees are mammals.
2. CASB employees hold up student transcripts ALL the time.
3. The purpose of CASB employees is to train tomorrow's Chartered Accountants by generating paperwork.

Weapons and Gear:

Cubicle

PhotocopierFolders

Testimonial:
CASB employees can ruin the chartered accounting dreams of anyone they want! Even rich ones with good pre-requisite marks! CASB employees lose files and ignore emails ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they dress business casual ALL the time. I heard that there was this CASB employee who was eating at a diner. And when some student dropped his Blackberry the CASB employee deleted the Confirmation of Practical Experience for the whole town. My friend Kelsey said that she saw some CASB employee totally deny some student's Taxation course just because some kid opened a window.

And that's what I call REAL ULTIMATE POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't believe that accountants have REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or they will make sure your mature student application sits in a pile in the boss's office for months!! It's an easy choice if you ask me.

Q and A:
Q. Why is everyone so obsessed with CASB employees?
A. CASB employees are the ultimate paradox. On one hand, they have a lot of work to do, but on the other hand they use entire meetings to announce the new database's theme song.

Q. I heard that CASB employees are always slow and inefficient. What's their problem?
A. Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other mammals, CASB employees can be slow moving files OR leave early.

Q. What do CASB employees do when they are not ignoring phone messages or denying foreign students?
A. Most of their free time is spent going to get coffee but sometimes they Roll Up the Rim to Win. (Ask Danielle if you don't believe me.)

Like blowing too much air into a balloon!!!

Sometimes, once in a blue moon, when you least expect it, for reasons you can't explain, right out of the blue, when things seem like they'll never change, when life hurls you a lemon, in world where everything you know is wrong, at the edge of space, in a galaxy far far away, in the not-too-distant future, when all the world's a stage, where laughter was king, ONE MAN, armed with only his soul to protect him, will face insurmountable odds, to save himself, and everything he knows to be true....

All I wanted to write was that I'm moving up in the world, out of my workspace/playpen and into a real cubicle. Then I got stuck in a loop and realized that I didn't want to write about my cubicle, I just wanted to play with words. Join me as I tangent.

The Artist Formerly Known as Mad Scrolls was called a communist recently, merely for describing a pastoral setting where the residents were all equal, lived an agrarian lifestyle, each performed jobs according to their skills, and worked for the benefit of the community. Why someone, who shall remain nameless, would deface a defenseless blogger is a sad indication of the carelessness, and flamboyant inaccuracies, of many internet posts. What was even more disturbing was that some brave soul, a voice of reason and strength in an increasingly nihilistic world, attempted to counter-comment only to be censored by The Author. This kind of omniscient, top-down value enforcement by a faceless authority figure of unknown origin was uncalled for; the Speaker should not have been withheld from expressing his or her right to proliferate a mindless discussion about communism, of which few, if any, elements even exist within this topic. The phrase, I believe, was "flame on."

In keeping with the completely random, disconnected nature of today's soliloquy, I must confess that recently, in the heat of the tedium of the moment, I insulted someone over the internet once. It was nothing they deserved, but, alas, I fell victim to baser instincts. In a safe, polite, complimentary setting, I wanted to be the big man. I wanted to bully, hurt, scare others, just to prop myself up. I know, you don't believe me. Well believe it, you believers. I was lucky enough to get away with it, this time, since there's no way to know it was me. In fact, it looked like someone was going to reply but, showing maturity and grace beyond my own, chose to withdraw. I'm glad they did, for it quells the guilt inside me. It made me realize that better people are out there, and it gives me hope for myself.

Hammer time

I am fortunate to be surrounded by a number of opinionated people, and by surrounded I mean they have blogs. It's always better to have a dumb opinion than no opinion, and if you have a dumb opinion ideally you'll write a blog about it so I can drop the hammer on you.
First, the issue of fully legalized drug use. The same people who advocate total legalization seem to think it would save taxpayers money because the RCMP wouldn't have as many investigations to do, jails wouldn't be as full, and worldwide terrorism would disintegrate (that's what it says!). By the same logic, if we de-criminalize murder and theft the RCMP wouldn't need to exist, jails would be empty and converted to schools, and the Rapture would begin. What nonsense. Making a financial argument in favor of de-criminalizing narcotics is to completely ignore the crippling burden that would be placed on our already sapped health care system. The reason Canada has a national health care system is because people are willing to part with their hard-earned dollars in order to benefit society. While drug-users wish for freedom, they forget that if you want the legal right to smoke or inject yourself with whatever you want, you can't then expect society to fund your rehab clinics and medical support systems. That's why society gets to tell you what you can and can't put in your body, because they have to pay for it.
If you're REALLY clever, you'll have already picked out a bit of a flaw in that argument. You'll say that society deems smoking and alcohol legal but not marijuana, how does that make any sense? It doesn't. Like the article mentions, prohibition didn't work. The problem is that we'd be trying to go backwards and frankly it's too late. Historically, governments have shown that they are perfectly willing to allow their populace to dumb themselves down on some mildly addictive substance, witness the dirt-cheap, readily available amounts of vodka in the Soviet Union. Tobacco farming has generated a lot of domestic income in the United States and Canada, so it's not going anywhere. The biggest change we're likely to see anytime soon is the government easing up on marijuana, and that still has some hurdles to climb. Bottom line, if you want to be able to run around promoting unrestricted narcotic use, you'd better be advocating a market-style health care system and a libertarian-style "government," because you won't get it both ways. Hands up who's going to lead that charge? Didn't think so.