Mad baller skillz

Tiger Woods has nothing on the great Ronaldinho.

Merry Christmas Moviehouse!

Cheer up your holiday season with some good old fashioned scorn! It's especially satisfying to read sarcastic reviews of critically acclaimed movies, since those are often the movies I dislike the most, for all the reasons written here.

O Brother, Where art Thou??

Recently, I was referred to a site that asks the popular question: What really happened to Dave Chappelle? Was it stress, spiritual retreat, Warcraft? Turns out, it was none of those things.

Essentially, it states that Dave Chappelle cancelled his show because of pressure from an influential African-American coalition, comprised of luminaries such as Bill Cosby, Al Sharpton, and Oprah Winfrey. Their position was that his show was damaging the image of African-Americans by his continued use of negative stereotypes. It's controversial, inflammatory, probably libellous, and therefore an interesting piece that I enjoyed reading.
The problem with this sort of conspiracy theory is that there is absolutely no way to prove it. There are no quotes, no facts cited, no sources, nothing concrete in the least. Academically, this material is useless. It might be true, but how can we know? The first page, where the author describes who he is and how he knows what he does, sounds the same as those emails you get saying that Bill Gates and AOL want to give away all kinds of money if you foreward this message. "My brother, who's a lawyer, says this is true!" Come on. If you're going to spread conspiracy theories, at least give us some facts, something we can check up on.
I'm not saying this didn't happen to Chappelle and the site is wrong, I'm saying that there is nothing there to differentiate it from a story. No police statements, no provable quotes, no pictures. Of course, it can't be proven false either, but that's the problem. It's just a story. If you're a JFK conspiracy theorist, you point to statements made in the Warren Commission that were proven impossible to argue a coverup took place. If you think the U.S. government shot missles at the Pentagon, you point to irregularities in the damage and FBI seizure of nearby video surveillence tapes. The argument that Chappelle was pressured into quitting his show isn't isolated to this site, but if one wants to mount a true argument that this was the reason for his cancellation, they'd better have some evidence to support it instead of mere storytelling.

The Big Red Threat

With the spectre (S.P.E.C.T.R.E.?) of communism, the Red Menace, the enemies of Freedom poised to attack our great society, we must continue to be vigilant to thwart the evil-doers. No front must go unprotected, no areas left unchecked. It is for this reason that we, the United States Treasury Board, has made the decision to not allow the nation of Cuba to play in the World Baseball Classic. That is all. Go back to your residences and await the latest edition of NewSpeak.

Would you like to know more?

Truer words?

South Park's Season 2, Episode 9 featured a film festival in the Quiet Redneck Mountain Town where Cartman describes independent films as being nothing more than Black and White Hippie Movies about Gay Cowboys eating Pudding. Seven years later, Ang Lee, the director best known for proving to the world that the Hulk is, in fact, kind of a boring character, has finally released Brokeback Mountain. The "film" features Tobey Maguire's proposed Spiderman replacement and That Guy From That Movie about Knights with the out of place contemporary soundtrack. They play gay cowboys who, despite being gay cowboys, do not eat pudding. Most likely they would prefer another helping of each other. The movie is supposed to be pretty darn good, though I suspect will not come to my own Quiet Redneck Mountain Town and thus I won't get to see it. Instead, I'll cheer myself up with the knowledge that so many others have enjoyed it. Here's hoping Brokeback Mountain finds itself up to its ass in Oscars. And Academy Awards too.

More from last year's Big Ass Wave

The name of a short-lived, long-since cancelled Fox tv show? Yes! But that phrase also relates to this:

I'm nothing

Sweet sanctity

Weight clauses are a must in any good relationship

Celeb pre-nups

Screw aliens

With the earth already conquered by America, NASA's sights are now set on the rest of the solar system. But no time for that yet!!! First we must play games with zero gravity!!!

With no porn lying anywhere (and afraid of looking even if there was), Tom and Steve make good use of their time.

Coin Flipping

As it turns out, I am a pretty dumb guy. No wait. Actually, I'm pretty smart. Sorry, wrong again, I'm actually exceedingly stupid. But then again, it doesn't matter. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

This was my inner monologue during the last week of exams where my life's fortunes and destinies flipped back and forth like Tom Cruise's sexuality. Ba-zing!!! I went from doing as poorly as possible on my psych final (fortunately they stop taking off marks at 0%, otherwise it would've been worse) to A+sing my international studies paper to handing in my takehome poli. sci. final late because I got the date wrong. He accepted it anyways, so it didn't matter and no marks were lost. Common sense says that Two out of Three Doctors Recommend Manual Labour for me, since my score was tied going into the poli. sci. mix-up. Nothing wrong with manual labour and nothing wrong with doing it, but a lot is wrong with me doing any because I suck at it. Nothing else to do but wait for the marks and enjoy fine video dating productions

Enjoy