The Official TRANSFORMERS Website

Hi, this site is all about TRANSFORMERS , REAL TRANSFORMERS. This site is awesome. My name is Chris and I can't stop thinking about TRANSFORMERS. These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet.

Facts:

1. TRANSFORMERS are robots.
2. TRANSFORMERS transform into product placement ALL the time.
3. The purpose of TRANSFORMERS is to throw each other into buildings and taunt.


Weapons and gear:

Advertising

Toys

Puny Human helpers













Testimonial:

TRANSFORMERS can invade any planet they want! Even ones full of humans trying to pick up chicks! Transformers use Japanese fighting poses ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they search for the AllSpark ALL the time. I heard that there was this Transformer who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the Transformer shot arcing lasers at the whole town. My friend Mike said that he saw a Transformer totally change scale at some some kid just because the kid opened a window.

And that's what I call REAL ULTIMATE POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't believe that TRANSFORMERS have REAL ULTIMATE POWER you better get a life right now or they will make sure to step on your mom's plants!!! It's an easy choice, if you ask me.

Transformers are sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants. I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. These guys are totally awesome and that's a fact. Transformers are tall, metal, good at taunting and giving long-winded soliloquies, and sweet. I can't wait to start buying my first car next year. I love Transformers with all of my body (including my pee pee).

Q and A:

Q: Why is everyone so obsessed with Transformers?
A: Transformers are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they're from Japan, but on the other hand they're GMC vehicles.

Q: I heard that Transformers are always running past the same background. What's their problem?
A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other robots, Transformers can be in space OR totally running around in a desert.

Q: What do Transformers do when they're not fighting civil wars or stealing Energon cubes?
A: Most of their free time is spent surfing the web to learn English but sometime they attempt to usurp leadership. Sometimes these attempts work, but mostly they anger Megatron. (Ask Starscream if you don't believe me.)

This is a picture of my best friend Hans showing off.













He's a lot older than me and almost done with with transforming his Jeep into spare parts, which is braggable.

The Contrabulous Databasenaval of Professor Horatio Hufnagel

(Open with high-angle shot of a thriving downtown.)

(Voiceover) "Hi, I'm Troy McLure. You may remember me from such corporate videos as Slaughterhouse 5 Million: The Miracle of McDonald's, and El Presidante's New Clothes: The Thriving Honduran Garment Industry. Today we're visiting the International Worldwide Global Headquarters of APRO Universal Databases and Shoe Repair."

(Camera pans quickly over to dilapidated house with a lady on the porch throwing cats at homeless people)

(Troy comes out of the house through the back yard screen door)

(Cut to mid-shot)

"Greetings friend, didn't see you there! All ready to learn about the magic of databases?"

"Mr. McLure, what's a database?"

(Troy looks confused, then looks down and sees a young boy with a high voice)

"Who said that? Oh, it's you, Jimmy."

"Billy."

"Sure. A database is made up of two things: Data, Latin for "cyborg" and Base, Latin for "low pitch." A database is kind of like a refrigerator. On the outside it looks like nothing special, just a mass of metal and ceramics taking up a huge amount of space and energy. But on the inside, you'll find a wondrous array of surprises and treats, though sometimes not where you left them and more often than not, improperly preserved."

"Mr. McLure, I have a friend who thinks that APRO databases are cheap and unreliable. Are they wrong?"

"Ha ha, of course they are Jimmy. Probably not a Self-Starter either. You see, Apro databases use an exciting new development in the database field, the Hierarchical Model that ensure timely and precise data extraction."

"Isn't APRO also the name of UFO research group that helped fake an alien abduction story in the 1970's? Do you think that has anything to do with their high fail rate and unreliability today?"

(Camera cuts to Technical Difficulties screen)