I'll make this really clear

Today at work I took a break from looking bored, annoyed, and unpleasant to phone up all the deadbeats who owe Gold's Gym money. Ordinarily, my shifts consists of being friendly with old ladies to the point of delirium, hostile to fratboys (can you use that term in small town B.C.?) to the point of decapitation, patronizing to my bosses to the point just short of being fired, and sardonic to fellow employees to the point of blank stares. But today, like every other Friday afternoon, is my once chance of the week to ruin people's weekends by telling them that their last payment didn't go through and if they don't come down and pay AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, we'll have no choice but to phone them again. And again. Then write them a letter. Then another. Then another. After all that, we get nasty with them. We write another letter. Okay, THEN we get to send them to collections. Being the ferocious, confrontational type that I am, I choose to make these first phone calls during the day when nobody is home. After my experiences today in these endeavours, I would like to post an open message on my blog to Jason's mommy:

Dear Mommy,

Thank you for choosing Gold's Gym for your wonderful son! I sincerely hope that he was able to enjoy the full benefits of Gold's Gym in the half-dozen or so visits he was able to make in the fifteen months we were priviledged to have him as a member. However, due to the fact that you placed a stop payment on his account with us, and the subsequent swearing and hanging up yours truly incured when meekly proposing that he fulfill the contract he signed with us, you will be sent to collections on behalf of your son this coming Wednesday. I am sorry that our relationship did not work out, and that Gold's Gym must now ruin your credit score forever (and thus preventing you from purchasing that new '57 Ford to promptly put on blocks and spread its parts all over your front lawn). If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact our complaint department at this URL:
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Thank you very much for helping you achieve your goals.

Yours in Fitness,

Chris